I can't help myself
by l0sinxgrip
Summary: new chapter finally up! as of wed 822 my summary usually is horrible so all you have to know is it involves addison and alex and there budding relationship
1. Chapter 1

Title : All I Know is I Need You

Author: losinxgrip20 aka ashley

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer : wish they were mine but definitely not

Summary: addison and alex don't understand the feelings they are having..or they don't want them

Notes: Ok so this is my first fanfic that I am ever posting anywhere. I don't know if I am doing this right or what but here we go. I'm not going to post more until i find out if people actually like it because I want people to enjoy what I write and if they don't then theres no point.

"Why must I have these feelings for him?" Addison thought as she watched Alex Karev checking on a baby in the NICU. He looked so sweet sitting there with a baby. Since their first kiss, all Addison could think of was his lips. The way they felt against hers, the way he tasted. All she wanted to do was kiss him again and again. She could never get tired of looking in his beautiful eyes. He made her feel butterflies, it was a long time since she felt them. They were diffrent from the way she felt them with Derek. These were stronger and they made her heart weaker. Why did he take over her mind like this?

In the NICU...

"Why must I have feelings for her?' Alex whispered to the baby boy he was watching. Alex couldn't stnd that Addison was always on his mind. He never fell for anyone this hard before and it annoyed him. He wasn't supposed to be in a relationship, it wasn't his thing. He was young and he wanted to be with as many girls as he could. Oh but with her it wa different. She could make him change his ways. Ever since she kissed him, the old Alex went out the window. She went from being Satan, to the person he wanted to be with.

"Why can't I just tell her how I feel?" he said aloud as the door opened. He turned around and looked at the person standing in the door.

"Dr. Montgomery!" Alex said surprised.

"Dr.Karev, you have feelings for someone...really?"


	2. Chapter 2

Alex was shocked by what Addison just asked him. He couldn't let her know that he had feelings for her. He had to think of a response quick.

"Oh..I was..uhh. just..umm..I was singing a song." Alex knew she wasn't going to believe him. Alex never sung.

"Right Karev, you were singing a song. Well I guess this would be a first for two things, one you singing, and two hearing a song that had those words as lyrics." She gave Alex a confused look. Alex ignored her remark. He avoided looking her in the eyes. She had beautiful eyes. Every time he looked at her in her eyes all he could think about was kissing her.

"The baby is doing good. I checked his vitals and everything is normal." Alex looked down at the chart as he talked to her. He then handed her the chart and walked out the door. He couldn't stand being in the same room with her…especially when they were by themselves. He just had to leave.

Addison sighed. She was hoping that his answer would have been different. That he would of said I have feelings for you. She craved her name rolling off his tongue. She loved it when he called her Addison. It made her crumble in a good way.

As Alex walked off he thought about how amazing it would be if he could just tell him how he felt. He went in an empty room and sat on the bed. He had to tell her today how he felt. He couldn't hold his feelings in anymore. He was going to tell her today. No matter how scared he was, he was going to tell her.

Back in the NICU…

Addison was checking the baby's vitals again when the door opened. She figured it was a nurse coming so she didn't even bother turning around. The next thing she knew there were a pair of arms wrapped around her. She had no idea who would do this until she heard a whisper In her ear.

"How about me and you in the on-call room?"

"Mark!! Get your arms off of me!! I only have 2 words to say to you right now, no and leave." Addison said as she pulled his arms off of herself.

"Addison you know you want me. You can't resist me, never have never will." He said smirking at Addison. They both knew the sex was great, but that was all there was great sex. Addison wanted more then sex, she wanted love, commitment. This was something she knew she would never get from Mark.

"Mark, I don't want you, and I will never want you again!" Addison said with an angry tone.

"You will after this…" Mark kissed Addison. She tried pulling away but he just pulled her closer.

"Addison I need to talk to you…oh sorry to interrupt…I'm gonna go." Alex said as he walked in the NICU. He ran down the hall and went to the locker room.

Addison smacked Mark and stormed out of the room.

"You know you liked it Addison and I'm here if you want more." Mark screamed down the hall at Addison.

Addison couldn't believe what just happened. If there was any chance for her and Alex it was over now. She ran into the ladies room and sat on the floor hugging her knees. She started crying and then saw one of the stalls open. Thank God it was her best friend Callie walking out.

"Addison! What's wrong? Why are you so upset, and crying?"

Addison proceeded to tell Callie what happened with Mark and Alex.

"I understand why your upset about Mark, but why Alex? You don't have anything with him. You would never have anything with an intern you've said it yourself."

"Callie…I umm…I never told you but I kissed Alex. One night at Joe's I kissed him."

"How could you not tell me?!"

"I didn't want anybody to know, but now that you do…Callie I have feelings for him. Me, I have feelings for an intern."

"Well does he have feelings for you?"

"I don't know I haven't told him."

"Since when is Addison Forbes Montgomery scared to admit she has feelings for someone?'

"I know I know, I just don't want to get hurt again."

"Speaking as your best friend, I say go for it. It's gonna hurt more hiding your feelings then telling him." At that Callie got up and went back to work.

In the locker room Alex was pacing back and fourth and he punched the lockers as Izzie walked in.

"Whoa Whoa! What's wrong with you?" Izzie said as Alex kept pacing.

"Nothing" he responded coldly.

Typical male answer Izzie thought. "Well something has obviously pissed you off. I don't think I've ever seen you this mad. Alex please tell me what's wrong." She pleaded.

"I saw something I didn't want to see."

"This wouldn't have happened in the NICU, would it?"

"What? How do you know?"

"One of the nurses saw Addison come out of there and then Mark followed screaming something down the hall at her saying something about doing it again. How do you know?"

Alex responded "I saw."

"Wait so why are you so mad about this? It's only Mark and Addison."

"Izzie I was going to tell her I had feelings for her."

okay okay so i made it a little longer but i didn't have time to write more...i hope you guys like it so far..reviews would be greatly appreciated..thanks guys!! 


	3. Chapter 3

Ok so sorry it took me kinda long to write this…I had 2 updates in one day yesterday, but I am getting busy so I've been working on this chapter today. I don't know if you guys are gonna like it. I'd appreciate it if you let me know. Thanks to all of you who read and leave reviews its greatly appreciated.

"You have feelings for Addison?" Izzie said

"Yes I do, and I would appreciate it if you kept it quiet because I don't want her to find out before I can tell her myself." Alex responded

"So when did these feelings start?" Izzie was jealous at first, but she could tell that Alex had really fallen for Addison. She knew all along that he had feelings for her. She just didn't want the reality to hit that he no longer had feelings for her.

"Ever since I was her intern I've felt a little something for her, but now my feelings have grown so much stronger. I don't think I've ever felt like this about anyone before." Alex frowned when he realized what he said. "It was different between you and me…"

Izzie cut him off. "I understand Alex. I hurt you. I left you for Denny. It wasn't your fault our relationship didn't work. I left you remember. Alex was stunned at what he heard. It was the first time Izzie didn't blame Alex.

"Wow Izz…"

"Forget about that, back to you and Addison. Have you to had any romantic interactions that might hint her having feelings for you?"

"Well, she kissed me. We were at Joe's sitting at the bar and she kissed me. I kissed her back but she leaned in to kiss me. That must mean something right? But then I catch her kissing Sloan today. Maybe the kiss just meant nothing to her, maybe I'm nothing to her." Alex sighed as he put his face in his hands. Izzie couldn't take seeing Alex this way.

"Alex you have to tell her. I don't like seeing you this way. I have a pretty strong feeling she feels the same way about you. I've seen you two when you work together. She is constantly flirting with you. Oh and did I mention the eye sex you two have going on. It's the hottest sex I've ever seen."

"Well if she does have feelings for me, she obviously has feelings for Mark too. I can't compete with Mark, they have history."

"First off, we both know you're a better guy then Mark, and secondly, they may have history, but it isn't positive history. We both know that Addison wanted to kill him when he came here. He ruined her marriage. Alex, I think anyone would choose you over Mark, I know I would. At this Alex couldn't help but blush. He thought about it and realized it was true. Mark was a complete and total asshole. Izzie's beeper went off and she told Alex she knew he would do the right thing.

Alex was so exhausted from the morning's events that he just wanted to lay down in an on call room. He went to tell Bailey that he needed a break.

"And may I ask you why you need a break Karev?" Bailey asked.

"I'm having problems…"

"Never mind I don't want to know. I'll give you an hour. Now go before I change my mind." Alex walked off and went into the closest on call room so he could relax. All he could think about was Addison…

"Dr.Bailey, have you seen Dr.Karev?" Addison asked.

"He's taking a break, if you need him we can have him paged."

"Is he okay? Is something wrong with him?"

"No, he's just taking a break. Don't tell me I have another attending intern relationship here"

"Oh no I just needed him for something but I'm sure I can handle it on my own. Addison walked away with a worried look on her face. Mark over heard thee conversation and couldn't help but put two and two together.

"Addison has something for Karev!!! That's why she got upset when he walked in on us. That is why she is so worried about him right now. How could she have feelings for Karev?" Mark snapped out of his thoughts and ran after Addison.

"Addison! Addison wait I need to talk to you!" Mark said chasing her down the hall.

"Mark I do not want to talk to you ever again, so I suggest you just leave me alone. Just get the hell out of here."

"Oh what you don't want your little intern boyfriend seeing us talking?" Mark knew just how to get her attention. Addison walked into the first empty room she saw. Of course Mark followed her. He was getting just what he wanted.

"What the hell are you talking about Mark?'

"You know what I'm talking about. You want Alex Karev. How pathetic! How can you sink so low? You has me and now your going for an intern? I cannot believe you Addie."

"What makes you think I want him, and why should it matter to you?"

"Addison I see the way you look at him. And when I kissed you today you freaked out because he walked in."

"I freaked out because I didn't want you kissing me. Why would I want you to kiss me after all the problems you have caused in my life?"

"Oh and did I mention how I overheard you talking to Bailey about Karev. 'Is he okay..is something wrong' pathetic Addison. And then you walked away looking so upset."

"I can't be worried about my interns?"

"Bullshit Addison, you hated the interns, you would never say that about any of the other ones."

"Mark I seriously can't take you anymore. This is such bullshit." Addison started to walk out the door as Mark reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Why would he want someone who treated him like shit when he can have anyone he wants? I hear he still wants Stevens, and she still has feelings for him." And at that tears welled up in Addison's eyes. She realized that Alex was crushed when Izzie chose Denny over him. But now, Denny was gone and Alex's feelings probably didn't go away.

Mark realized how much he hurt her, but he didn't care. As long as Addison didn't go after anyone but him, that's all that he cared about.

Addison ran out of the room with her hands covering her face. Everyone was staring at her. All she knew was she had to get out of that hallway fast. She ran into the on call room and shut the door behind her. She started crying hard when she saw someone pop up off the bed.

"Addison what's wrong?" Alex said. This was the last person she wanted to see right now. She started crying even more as Alex sat her on the bed. He kneeled down in front of her and looked at the tears pouring from her eyes.

"Addie please tell me what's wrong!" Addison couldn't believe he just called her Addie. Alex couldn't believe it either. He looked in her eyes and saw so much pain. He then heard her speak.

"Mark is and asshole." Addison mumbled.

"Yeah, yeah he is. If that is what this is all about I could have saved you lots of pain by telling you that." Alex thought back to what he walked into earlier this morning. "I know you and him have something going on, but I don't think has any good for you."

"Ha, I know he's not good for me, and that's why there is nothing going on between us."

"It's none of my business but then why were you kissing him."

"He was kissing me and I was trying to pull away as you walked in." Alex felt so stupid about all the conclusions he jumped to earlier. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to get it off his chest. He had to tell her how he felt it was killing him.

"I need to tell you something Addie..."


	4. Chapter 4

"Alex please I can't deal with this right now. Can you please tell me whatever you need to tell me another time? I'm just really having a bad day."

"But Addison I really have to tell you something. It's really important." Addison got up and pulled herself together she couldn't deal with it anymore. She started to walk out the door when Alex stepped in front of her and shut the door. He pulled her in close, wrapped his arms around her, looked deep into her eyes, and then he kissed her. He caught her by surprise but she was enjoying it. She enjoyed it more then anything else she ever had in her life. She started to go weak at the knees when she felt Alex's tongue slide into her mouth. There tongues started to dance around each other's. The kiss started to grow more passionate as Alex pulled away.

"Is that what you wanted to tell me?" Addison asked as Alex opened the door.

"My break is over, I have to go." He said and with a smile and a wink he left the on call room. Addison went and sat back on the bed. All she could think about was how good this day was turning out to be, and how good Alex Karev really tasted.

Alex walked down the hall with a huge smile on his face. Izzie saw Alex walking and she new she had to ask him what happened between him and Addison.

"And why do you look so happy Karev?"

"I did it"

"You told her you have feelings for her?"

"Not exactly…"

"Then what?"

"I kissed her in the on call room, and she kissed me back."

"You kissed Dr.Montgomery in the on call room?"

"Yeah I did."

"Why were you in the on call room with her anyway?"

"I was taking a break in there. She came in there crying, because of Mark who we all know is an asshole. I talked to her and found out nothing was going on inbetween her and Mark. He had kissed her. I told her I had to tell her something and she wouldn't listen, so I kissed her. And I definetly know she enjoyed it."

"Alex I'm so happy for you!!!"

"Alright well I have to go tell Bailey that I'm ready to work again." At that Alex and Izzie parted ways. Mark walked out of a patient room and thought to himself….

"Alex kissed Addison in an on call room. I'm going to have to do something about this."

Ok sorry it was so short guys but I was just told today that I'm going on a long weekend vacation starting tomorrow…surprise for me!! Well I will be on the beach for the weekend so I will be writing you guys some stuff but it won't be up till Sunday. Sorry everyone!!! Oh and I just had to get Alex and Addison some action cuz I hate when there not together. So here you go…Reviews are appreciated!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Please Please Please don't kill me for taking so long to update this story. I've had horrible writers block and there was a new addition to my house of a baby boy so I've been busy. On top of that I'm helping one of my sisters move out and I'm getting ready to go back to school so sorry for the ranting heres the story.**

**Before I get to the chapter huge enormous gigantic thank you to Jacket-Lover for helping me with my writers block. You probably wouldn't have this update if it wasn't for her so without further waiting here is the next chapter of I can't help myself….**

Alex walked down the hall to the nurses station where he saw Bailey standing with Addison. A smile crept across his face when he saw her standing there the sexiest he's ever seen her. He was standing there stunned at her beauty when Bailey snapped him out of his trance.

"Karev, if you're coming to tell me your ready to go back to work, I'm a little worried. You don't look so good." Bailey said as she stared at the flush looking intern standing right in front of her. He just looked at Addison and smiled and she gave him a big smile right back. Bailey looked back and forth at the 2 doctors who stood in front of her.

"No don't tell me, please don't tell me there is something going on in between the 2 of you. I don't need another intern corrupted by a attending." Dr.Bailey was just shaking her head at the thought.

"Oh, Dr.Bailey, didn't you hear? Your little intern Karev here kissed Dr. Montgomery in the on call room." Mark interrupted the group of doctors.

"Oh so that's why you needed a break huh? These damn horny doctors never know when to keep it in their pants!" Bailey was now extremely pissed off. "I can't deal with you people and she went on her way cursing under her breath.

"Addison never did know how to keep her pants on, or should I say her skirt down." Mark smirked at his remark. He started to walk away when Alex called after him.

"Hey JackAss…." Alex started to say as Addison stepped in front of him to stop him from saying anything when a fist met her head. She took the blow that made her hit the nurses station as she went down.

"You asshole what did you do?" Alex screamed at Mark as he went to see if Addison was okay.

"You think I wanted to hit her? I meant to hit you!" Mark started to approach Addison who Alex was trying to sit up against the nurses station.

"You've done enough!! Just go!" Alex demanded and for the first time in his life Mark listened to a intern.

"Addison, Addie can you hear me?" Alex asked as he looked at a very dazed Addison.

"Yeah I'm okay, I'm fine." Addison started to stand up and got a little dizzy when Alex caught her and lowered back to the floor.

"Your not okay. You hit your head against the nurses station before you fell. Let me take a look at it" Alex turned to look at the side of her face when he saw the blood and the gash she had.

"I'm getting you to a room so I can stich that cut up."

"No, it's okay, it's not that big of a deal." Addison stood up. "Look I'm fine."

"Addie, I'm fixing you up and that is final. I don't care what I have to do to get you into there, I will." She coulldn't take him calling her Addie anymore so she finally gave in.

"Fine Karvev, lets just go get these stiches over with." Addie said kind scared. She always had a fear of being the patient and not the doctor.

"What's wrong Addison? Your not scared of the hospital are you?" Alex asked as he walked her to the room. She didn't answer. "You are aren't you?"

"I've always feared being the patient." Addison shyly admitted.

"Well with me you shouldn't have a fear of that." Alex led Addison to room 2200 because it was the first empty room he saw. The nurse who brought the things for Alex to stich Addison up was leaving when Addison said "Thank you"

Alex was confused. "Why are you thanking me? If it wasn't for me you wouldn't be here in the first place."

"I'm thanking you because you were going to stick up for me, before Mark went to hit you."

"Well you have no idea what I was going to say so how are you going to thank me?" Alex stopped cleaning her wound and look at her in her eyes. "I guess I could tell you what I was going to say to him."

"Tell me Doctor, what were you going to say?" Addison said, sounding more sedctive then she really meant.

"I was going to tell him how that he doesn't know how amazing you are" as he kissed her forehead, "how talented" down to her cheek, "how incredibly sexy" down to her neck, "and what a good kisser" as he touched his lips to hers. She kissed him back with all the passion she could stir up. Alex reluctantly pulled away and she frowned.

"Let me stich you up, and then we can finish this when we go out tonight."

**Sorry it was such a crappy chapter. I had written it in a notebook and as I was typing it I was so upset at how bad it was. I guess that's what you get for just neglecting any kind of writing for so long…anyway reviews would be lovely telling me whatever you want…that it sucked that I need work on it whatever you want thanks all!!**


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